Computer Gadget Translates Dog Barks into Text Messages

Remember the days when Timmy fell into the well and Lassie would run home to tell mom about the tragic event? The proud canine owners would actually have to think about what their faithful canine was trying to say. Oh how the world could have used a device designed to translate dog barks into text messages…

But lucky for us, a Japanese company has created the “Bowlingual”, a technological device complete with computer chip that has the ability to translate “Woof into human language”. It works something like this: the pooch wears a microphone, which is connected wirelessly to said gadget. When Fido barks, the tiny screen on the “Bowlingual” shows a text message that the dog supposedly barked. What would a dog say? Well, maybe he’s thirsty, or has to go out, or just wants to play. All of the guesswork and needless unanswered questions from you to your dog are eliminated.

And if you’re thinking to yourself, “Holy Cow!”, they’re next. German engineers are currently at work on a similar device that translates “moo’s” of cows into human language.

My opinion? There’s a reason why dogs have their own language, as do cats, gerbils, monkeys, elephants, pandas and every other creature on the planet…to keep us humans out of their conversations. If dogs wanted us to know what they’re saying about us, evolution would have probably enabled it to happen.

On the reverse of it, I’m waiting for an engineer or company to design a mechanism in which my dog can understand what I’m saying, translated into whatever dialect that bi-polar beagles speak. When I tell him to sit down and stop whining, I want him to do it. When I tell him to get off of the furniture, I’d like him to understand what I’m saying. When I reiterate the fact that every car that drives by our house isn’t coming to attack, I’d like a response. Until then, the “Bowlingual” or any other translation gizmo won’t be on my shopping list.