Funny Letter About A Happy Period
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American
company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She
really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s
2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award- winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
LeakGuard Co re or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go
horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of
running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my
favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on
being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is
that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure
I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered
from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the
month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal
forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from
now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my
husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t
the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt
seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens du ring your
customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know
about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last
week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her
boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he
told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.
Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings
me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of
cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the
adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’
Are you f—— kidding me? What I me an is, does any part of your
tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling,
laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did
anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did
it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there
will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack
yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house
just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a
hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of
glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a
moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say
something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’
or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
20 comments
It is your fault for being born woman. hahahahah.
sucks to be a woman
dude… u gotta love women…
Wow…this is pretty funny. I HIGHLY doubt that she needed to write an entire letter about her dissatisfaction of her MAXI PADS! Geez. She must be an insanely hormonal woman. Kinda scary.
In all honesty,
Were I a woman, and had I read such a message on such a product at such a time,
I would be on trial for manslaughter right now. : ]
It’s meant to be funny, you dolt.
So being the only woman here, I have to say that it was indeed necessary for her to right an entire letter about that. Yes…scary, but truly entertaining. I don’t use Maxi pads, but I kind of want to pick up a box and see if they changed it! Have a Happy Period…ha, ridiculous marketing.
haha I with her. No happy sign is going to make me feel better. Happy people during a period makes you more angry!
Ummm..Courtney – I would try and refrain from positing a message if you can’t “right” properly. Or is it that time of month and your “hormones” are messing up your grasp of when “write” is “right”?
As for Ms. Aarons – great letter! Makes me thank the maker that I was not born a woman!
Hey Penone! It is posting not positing if your going to pick on Courtney!
I think that’s one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time and she’s right. How the hell puts “Have a happy period” on a maxi pad when a woman is hormonal? Give me a break.
Hey DJL! It’s “you’re” not “your” if you’re going to pick on Penone.
Good Point.
moody bitch
How about a joke instead:
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Hey DJL. When Penone said “positing”, he meant “positing”. it would seem a wise move to check on what you believe to be an error before posting a comment. It’s called research.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=positing
How embarrassing for you.
[n.b. This comment comes with no guarantee of grammatical inerrancy]
Bloody good letter Ms. Aarons.
Man, sometimes I just Don’t want to know about stuff.
hei EvilGod, it’z “It” not “it” how imbarasing fo yoo
hahahahaha, i loved this, and entirely agree.
I love how everyone wants to pull out a hammer and smash everyone else who has made a grammatical mistake. Oh, the irony.
And I don’t give a damn whether or not you manage to find an error in that.
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