Double Take: What Are The Real Meaning Of These Crazy Headlines?

Here is a test for you.  Can you figure out the real meaning of the following headlines from newspapers?  Yes these are all real headlines.

• Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
• Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
• Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
• Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
• Stud Tires Out
• Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
• Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over
• Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery: Hundred Dead
• Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
• “Miners Refuse to Work after Death
• Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in Ten Years
• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash
• British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
• Stolen Painting Found by Tree
• Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim 
• Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
• War Dims Hope for Peace
• If strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
• Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
• Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
• Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
• Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency.
• Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead.
• Queen Mary having bottom scraped.
• Quarter of a million Chinese live on water.
• Police found safe hidden under bed.
• Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
• Organ festival ends in smashing climax.
• Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni.
• Never withhold herpes infection from loved one.
• NJ judge to rule on nude beach.
• Milk drinkers are turning to powder
• Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
• Lawmen From Mexico Barbecue Guests
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
• Blind Woman gets new kidney from Daughter she hasn’t seen in years
• British Union Finds Dwards in Short supply

 If you find any more send them to me.