The Great Quotes of “SAM KINISON”!
- I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
- Jesus had a tough life. I read about that guy. Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn’t scare the F— out of everybody!
- Rock Against Drugs, what a name. Somebody was high when they came up with that title. It’s like Christians Against Christ. Rock created drugs.
- There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out.
- “I got a real depressing letter from my folks about two weeks ago, because I haven’t been taking real good care of my money. They said, ‘Sam, we can’t send you any more money. You’re out of control, and you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing with your cash. And… you’re old enough to be on your own.’ I said, ‘Oh, okay’… and I called them. I said, ‘Mom, get dad on the phone too, wake him up, I know it’s late, but I want you both to hear this. You know, before I was your little son, before I was your baby, before I was your LOAN, I was a free spirit in the next stage of life. I walked in the cosmos, not imprisoned by a body of flesh, but free, in a pure body of light. There were no questions, only answers, no weaknesses, only strengths, I was light, I was truth, I was a spiritual being, I was a God… but you had to F–K and bring my ass down HERE. I didn’t ask to be born! I didn’t call and say: ‘Hey, please have me so I could work in a fuckin’ Winchell’s someday!’ Now you want me to pay my own way? … F–K YOU! PICK UP THE F–KIN’ CHECK, MOM! PICK IT UP!’”
- “I’m like anyone else on this planet — I’m very moved by world hunger. I see the same commercials, with those little kids, starving, and very depressed. I watch those kids and I go, ‘F–k, I know the FILM crew could give this kid a sandwich!’ There’s a director five feet away going, ‘DON’T FEED HIM YET! GET THAT SANDWICH OUTTA HERE! IT DOESN’T WORK UNLESS HE LOOKS HUNGRY!!!’ But I’m not trying to make fun of world hunger. Matter of fact, I think I have the answer. You want to stop world hunger? Stop sending these people food. Don’t send these people another bite, folks. You want to send them something, you want to help? Send them U-Hauls. Send them U-Hauls, some luggage, send them a guy out there who says, ‘Hey, we been driving out here every day with your food, for, like, the last thirty or forty years, and we were driving out here today across the desert, and it occurred to us that there wouldn’t BE world hunger, if you people would LIVE WHERE THE FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT! YOU LIVE IN A F–KING DESERT! NOTHING GROWS OUT HERE! NOTHING’S GONNA GROW OUT HERE! YOU SEE THIS? HUH? THIS IS SAND. KNOW WHAT IT’S GONNA BE A HUNDRED YEARS FROM NOW? IT’S GONNA BE SAND! YOU LIVE IN A F–KING DESERT! GET YOUR STUFF, GET YOUR SHIT, WE’LL MAKE ONE TRIP, WE’LL TAKE YOU TO WHERE THE FOOD IS! WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA — WE JUST DON’T LIVE IN THEM, A–HOLES!”
- “Not that I want to put the entire rap music style down — I just don’t like it. And I know somewhere there’s gotta be another guy like that. There’s gotta be a guy just like that — just like me. There’s gotta be somebody, somewhere… Maybe, maybe an assassin type… Maybe a man who, oh, after he came home from the war, wasn’t accepted by the country he fought for. And still has some of the military weapons and some of the armaments that he came home with — and he’s home alone, unemployed, has nothing to do, and he watches MTV waiting for a ROCK VIDEO, and all he sees is RAP VIDEOS. Now let’s just say — let’s just say– this guy decides to become a serial killer. Far be it from me to IMPLANT THAT INTO SOMEBODY’S MIND. I don’t want people to think, ‘Sam, Sam, you’re putting a subliminal thought in a dangerous person’s mind’ — NO! I’m just saying if you’re gonna be a serial killer, PICK SOMEBODY INTERESTING TO BE A SERIAL KILLER FOR! TAKE OUT RAPPERS! SHOOT ‘EM! If you’re gonna do something like that — if you’re gonna take life — BE THE RAPPER KILLER!”
- “About breaking up: “She says, ‘Can’t we be still like see each other once in a while and have lunch or see a movie? Just to be friends?’ I said ‘Yeah, friends, I think I know what you mean. I’ve become some kind of emotional tampon that you need four or five days a month when no one else will take your F—ING bullshit. But we don’t F–K, right? Isn’t that what friends is, we don’t F–K, right
- “Detox? There’s a bargain. $13,000 for a 3 and a half week treatment. And, folks, I don’t want to sound like a casual user or anything, but if you can come up with $13,000 you don’t have a problem yet!”
- “Talking about married life: “Can you do me a favor? If you see me working on the yard next week and around the house? Kill me. Kill me! Are you my friends? Don’t you love me? Do you remember when I was a man and I controlled my own destiny? KILL ME
- “You know what the problem is with world hunger? We’ve been sending them food.”
3 comments
Thanks for the GREAT FUCKING QUOTES!
AWESOME!
You didn’t include enough screaming.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! AHHHHhhhhhhh!!!! AAAhhhhh!!!
There, that’s better…
Great Quotes!
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